her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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