even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
