The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
