apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
