you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
