That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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