Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
