The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
