Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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