hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
this boner is exhausting
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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