Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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