so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
