Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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