2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
