You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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