As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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