so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
