We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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