Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
