Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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