So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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