dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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