Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
