I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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