he told me I talked like a deaf person
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
