Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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