I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
