He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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