I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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