apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
