i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
