I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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