I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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