Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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