in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
