did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
