so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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