It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
