Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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