Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
