She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
