Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
