umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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