Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
