I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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