I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
