Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
