I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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