When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
