So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
