did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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