we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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