can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Shame - the story of my life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
